What feeds our thoughts

We have a picture of ourselves as a decent, kind and caring person who wouldn’t say bad things to or about other people. Yet, have you ever considered what would happen if someone invented a machine that meant all our thoughts could be heard out loud? That would perhaps bring about a few awkward moments (understatement of the year). Not only would we be forced to become aware of our constant ‘opinion’ about other people, but we would also hear how badly we speak about ourselves.

What feeds us those thoughts in the first place? Could we ever consider that we have bullies talking to us, like a radio station we have tuned into, feeding us these thoughts? We are so familiar with the radio station because it might have been there when we were growing up, at home, in school, through friends. Wherever we are, it is with us pouring through us like a megaphone in our ear.

Perhaps we have forgotten that we can simply change the channel.

In forgetting we can believe the voices coming through this channel are ours. But THEY ARE NOT. They are from a radio station we have tuned into because it is likely to be the most favoured channel – everyone is listening to their own, so no one points out that the chatter in your head is actually not you. We may think our chatter is unique to us, it is not, we are all listening to the same chatter, with a slightly different flavour just for us.

We need to re-connect with the child in the story of ‘The Emperor’s New Clothes’ who calls out the lie that everyone is perpetuating. We need to detach from what we have accepted as normal for so long and question where these voices are coming from, what channel have we attuned ourselves to? And where is the off switch???

These thoughts are NOT ours. It is not us, we know they are not us because when we hear harsh, unkind words spoken to another it jars with us, yet we allow these words to pour into us unchecked. We just don’t say no.

We get so used to hearing these voices, we hear the harshness and the cruelty that is coming through and we don’t think anything of it. It is little wonder then that we don’t notice when that comes through us to another. We justify it by claiming they are too sensitive and need to toughen up. Yet have we hardened so much in the way we are speaking to ourselves that we don’t hear what is coming through us towards another. The constant criticism, the expectations, the crushing truth that we determine ‘they just have to hear’?

So what is going on? Why have we not changed the radio station?

Why are we still being pumped full of the same stuff time after time and year after year and expecting to get a different result?

What happens if we tune into The Tenderness Station and make gentleness and care our reference point, our North Star. We have to change our movements so we can own that we want to ‘change the station’.

Think of your body as being the radio itself, changing your movements is what changes the station and plugs you into different commentary that refuses to feed you those unkind, harsh and crushing thoughts. We can regress to thinking we don’t have a choice, but we always do. The thoughts come from repeated movements in the body so, if we change the movement in our body, the channel we have attuned to will change too.


Further reading

The Basics of Communication


criticism in families