Have you ever wondered what it would be like to not worry about how you parent? To not worry if you are doing the right thing, making sure your kids are safe and well, to not worry if you are making the right decisions in life? Not be anxious that your son is going to end up a drop out living on the street, or your daughter is going to end up pregnant at fourteen? How would it be to walk through life without such worries?
I know that when my kids were young I wanted to lock my daughter up so she couldn’t mess with or get messed with by males and I was all over my son like a rash to make sure he knew about responsibility, because he needed to be accountable to the community he lived in and be a responsible part of that community. You might think that is maybe a bit intense, it was, but I worried a lot as a parent.
What I have learned from that is the more we worry and the more emphasis we give to things, it’s like feeding a monster in your back pocket, but this monster has grown way out of your pocket and can’t fit through the door it’s so big, in fact it’s taken the roof off the house and now it’s raining.
It works like this –
You notice there is a speck on the wall, all you see is that spec. You clean your teeth in the morning and all you can see is the spec. You walk or drive to work, and the speck is your full focus; by this time the speck is a lot bigger. All day it’s at the back of your mind, you go to the toilet with it and type the keyboard with it, you do all your tasks and this spec is now as big as a tsunami. By the time you get home, the spec has become a giant monster 100 miles high, all because you perpetually have your focus on it. It has become a monster of our perpetual emphasis. Not only have we given the spec two sets of very big legs, a set of very nasty teeth, we also have fed it so much it has the power to eat us alive.
Take away the perpetual emphasis on the spec/monster and it collapses like putting a pin in a balloon. All those things we worried about – foof! – they’re gone. This is not to say we ignore or turn a blind eye to concerns, but our constant emphasis on those concerns does not serve us.
I guess another way of putting it is – we need to keep a sense of balance– having a sense of balance makes us steadier and more available for our kids and, on the plus side…we look less crazy-looking as a parent, which is always a good thing.
Keeping a look out for that trickster, ‘perpetual emphasis’, is super-needed as a parent. For that monster kills our sense of humour dead and stops us laughing at the ridiculous and plain silly things in life. A sense of balance keeps us sane, which again is super-handy and a popular one with all of us.
Tools to help
Put your focus on things that support you, like being in touch with your body, being aware of your breath, breathing gently, walking with a focus on your feet and what the quality of your walk is, how gentle can you be opening doors and typing on the keyboard. In other words, make your focus on what does serve you instead of what undermines you. Remember how amazing you are and how amazing your kids are, that is gold.