Do you feel ashamed of how you parent?


How we parent can be very unique and is often based on a multiple of factors, from our own experiences of being parented; watching how others parent; from books and TV programmes; information from search engines; whether we feel hurt by life or content with life. Whatever our background experiences are, it will all impact on how we parent our children.

Sometimes when we need help with parenting, advice offered can make us feel we are wrong, and this can sometimes seem to come from every angle. When we feel we are wrong, we tend to go from one place to the next trying to fix things, but all the while we are trying to fix our ‘wrongness’.

To feel we are innately wrong about some aspect of our life can be so damaging and disabling, it can feel there is no place to go, because if one thing is ‘wrong’ then everything seems to be wrong, so there’s no point in being ‘right’. This is so disabling it can put us into a right pickle. The shifty harm in all of this is, that to keep trying to be ‘right’ can be just as damaging as thinking we are ‘wrong.’ The ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ approach really make us get our undies in a right twist, as the one is as bad as the other.

Contrary to the ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ approach, could we consider that there is nothing wrong at all?

Now that makes us sit up and take notice! If we bring appreciation into the picture and look at all the strong points of our parenting, then being humble to learn something new is so much easier. We all have strengths, everyone. We can have a great sense of humour, a great deal of sensitivity to understand what our children are upset about - it can be talking, listening, getting our kids to do what needs to be done with co-operation, cooking, cleaning, these are all amazing strengths. Another strength we can build is learning. We all need to learn new things all the time, but just because we are learning something new doesn’t make us wrong. Learning doesn’t make us wrong; it makes us wiser.

Consider that for a child, from birth they are learning new things, not just every day, but every moment. This ability to naturally learn is innate in us all, age does not remove it. What can get in the way with learning as we get older is that the world tells us that we ‘should’ know everything as an adult, we don’t want to look like we don’t know everything – isn’t that a part of being a grown up? Well that has to be a lie! We don’t know everything – and who does? No one. We have to learn every day, the world changes so quickly and the rules and regulations change all the time, so we have to be nimble to keep on top of everything.

Appreciating our strengths and our ability to learn are so hugely important and these together can cut dead the chance that we may feel ashamed of how we parent. If we let go of worrying about the intricacies of right and wrong, instead focusing our attention on appreciation and our incredible ability to humbly learn every day, then we are sound. This can be our foundation - not the tricks that right and wrong play on us - simple appreciation of how amazing we are and how amazing our children are and an absolute commitment to learn in every moment – this is a recipe for great parenting.


Photo by NeONBRAND on Unsplash

Further reading

Playfulness in Parenting

Helpful advice or criticism

Our internal bully

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Have you ever found the 'rule book' doesn't fit your child or family. So did we. So we decided to make a website that offered practical skills to build a way of living that could be responsive to whatever might present itself in family life.

That way rather than needing a 'rule book' there is a sense of being equipped to deal with whatever situation is in front of you.

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