Have you considered that almost from the time we learn to toddle we are taught to find fault and criticise those around us, our parents and siblings? It seems the most intense criticism lies in families, from the people who know us best, where we are supposed to feel the safest because they are supposed to love us the most. It appears that in that safe space we feel we are entitled to criticise those closest to us thinking it is being loving rather than question the intention behind the comments. There are plenty of articles that talk about criticism and why it could be our go-to language, so we are going to concentrate on a different way of approaching it here.
In short, the antidote to criticism lies in backing each other.
That means putting the opinion about what another person is doing to one-side, the part of us that thinks we know better or have a better idea, even if we think we are completely right. Why would we do that? Because, it is crucial for any child growing up to feel they are backed to the hilt. Yes, our kids have to learn consequences for their behaviour, and they will, by learning for themselves through noticing the outplay of their decision. We maintain boundaries and do not step away from making sure those boundaries are clear. But we also need to learn there are consequences for our behaviour and that criticism can be felt as a form of abuse we just ‘get used to’. Any form of abuse is not acceptable towards another, so why would we not do everything to eradicate it from our home?
Backing the people in our family is to refuse to criticise, refuse to say mean or critical words or have thoughts about another. It means we know everyone’s value and back that value, we know how incredible we all are, but here, at home, we are safe, we are loved, we take responsibility for every move we make because we know how important it is to support each other, to appreciate the gold around us so deeply, to appreciate how important it is to have a family where everyone feels they are backed.
In a world that does not value people, that so easily dismisses and demeans children and parents, to see how important it is to back each other is everything. It is the foundation children can grow with and take into adulthood and bring to their own families, however that looks like.
Backing each other creates ripples that go far into the world. If it has even the smallest ripple that would harm someone we say we love dearly, why would we not consider backing each other instead and watching the magic happen.
Photo Credit Pexels on Pixabay
Rome wasn't built in a day