Arguments and Comfortable Intensity

We are all familiar with the common occurrence in family life where we get into an argument with our kids and with our partner; words are spoken on both sides that should not have been said, and the atmosphere at home is thick as treacle.

Have you ever asked why it feels like that?

What if every thought we were being fed, or was coming through us, was held in the air around us and, even though we were not able to see them, we could feel them all? If everyone was being fed a diet of thoughts that were about feeling a victim, how unjust the situation was, how right we are and how wrong they are, how the other person is this or that, it is no wonder the air feels thick as treacle.

If we, perhaps, bumped into a few of these directed negative comments perhaps it would explain why we have felt beaten up at the end of a discussion or non-verbal discussion. We question why we feel the way we do, but because it is all unseen, we reason that we are just not feeling right or well or a little out of sorts. Whereas our energetic body is black and blue, as is the person we have been thinking about’s body.

We say we don’t believe in this energy thing, we can’t prove it, it is not seen and not consciously felt, but what if it is all known and we choose to play the ‘I didn’t know that’, or ‘I don’t do that’ card because it is too awful to admit that this is what we do, or that is what is being done to us by someone who purports to love us in our family?

It would make sense that we would prefer to play the ‘I don’t believe in that', or ‘I don’t understand’ or perhaps ‘I don’t feel anything card’.

Allowing a possibility that everything we think we think is energy passing through us, that it is being fed to us to keep us in a cycle or to be used as an instrument to keep them in a cycle means responsibility and accountability for the way we are moving and the sound we are communicating through our movements. If we are not ready to hold that level of accountability, then we will deny all awareness. It suits us to take the donation of dullness and ignorance so we can continue to bludgeon and be bludgeoned.

We get comfortable with the uncomfortable

How is that possible and why would we choose to do that to ourselves or those we say we love? It makes no sense, but there it is - a common feature in many homes because we are focusing on the outplay of arguments, what we hear and see and the need to be right and to prove the other person wrong.

Life does not need to be that way. We can bring our focus back to ourselves and consider what noise we have in our heads, what words, and thoughts are sitting in the air around our heads and choose to clean up our act. The potential is that we at least stop sending Exocet missiles to those we purport to love, and recognise that the Exocet missiles sent our way are not personal but sent by someone who is not willing to take responsibility for the treacle in the air around them. As you add less treacle, there is less reaction from another, and they have less treacle and the potential for another level of responsibility and accountability in loving relationships presents.

If we make moves to understand why we get into arguments, then we may find the treacle we have taken as our normal and dare we say ‘uncomfortable ‘comfortable’ way of living can be addressed

Photo credit


Read more

Ripple effect or tidal wave

Boundaries and Reactions

Rules, standards and boundaries

Why do we need boundaries?

Backing each other


Criticism in Families